damn! i hate this feeling.. i really hate this.
why do i need to go through this again?
why?!!!
eto ang di ko gusto. pagkatapos mu gawin yung mga bagay na yun, yung mga bagay na gusto mu, yung mga bagay na makakapagpasaya sa 'yo, eto na yung kasunod...
so sad to realize that same old story happens again and again.. reason kung bakit napipigilan ka sa mga bagay na nagbibigay buhay sa 'yo.
just when you thought you're back, you get puzzled again...and hanging.. just hanging..
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Saturday, December 20, 2008
HYLC '08
edi eto na nga nuh..
eto na nga, teka..
masaya masaya!
i just realized i was lost for years.. lost in a sense na, malayo na pala ko sa mga bagay na dati kong kinaaaliwan at pinagtutuunan ng pansin. yung mga bagay na dati ay ginagawa ko di lang para sa sarili ko pero para din sa mga tao sa paligid ko. and i just realized na 5 years na pala yun..biruin mu..tsk tsk.. at narealize ko na eto talaga ang gusto ko. eto yung missing link siguro nung college ako and eto talaga ang kahulugan ng outlet or diversion para saken. sa buhay mu, di dapat nakatuon ka lang sa kung anung buhay ang gusto mu at kung anu sa buhay ang gusto mu marating. kailangan mu din ng mapapagtuunan ng pansin at panahon na magiging kapakipakinabang para sa ibang tao.. ang drama mu pre! hehe
but it's always nice to be back..
last weekend, we held the HYLC pilot run.. take note pare, pilot run yun. kami yung kauna-unahang batch ng HYLC.. teka, anu ba yung HYLC? hehe.. Hagonoy Young Leaders Congress.. eun. kung alam mu yung AYLC, alam mu na kung about san yun..
edi eto na nga haneh..
sobrang namiss ko pala yung mga bagay neun.. panu kasi, nung hiskul ako, active ako sa mga ganung klase ng activities.. about youth and leadership ba dong.. eh buti na lang, naisipan namen na magconduct ng sarili naming program para sa mga kabataan ng hagonoy..
masaya masaya!
dami ko nakasama. bale, 40 deligates kame.. syempre kasama ko dun! hehe.. masaya sila kasama. kulet eh.. peo mas masarap kasama yung mga ka-group ko. "what's the team?!".. cheer leader ang drama ko nun.. haha! (namiss ko din yun).. saya ng group namen. reg, ralph, pau, mutya, eliza, russel, joel, jordan, nikki.. eun.. sila mga ka-group ko..thanks guys!
daming activities na talagang nagenjoy ako. and madami din ako natutunan at bumalik sa aking alaala. naks! reminiscin?! haha! di ko malilimutan yung toxic waste. kahit di naten nakuha, okay lang. tsaka yung boundary break. dami ko nalaman about senyo..
congrats sa lahat ng deligates! saya ng graduation. dami umiiyak. hehe.. panu naman nakakamiss talaga.. peo okay lang yan. sabi ko naman senyo, di pa yun yung last time na makakaharap ko ang mga pagmumukha nyo. haha! may mga project pa tau para sa hagonoy. and excited na ko na makasama kau sa mga projects na yun..
gusto ko magpasalamat sa mga naging co-facilitator ng HYLeaP core-team. yung mga AYLC deligates na talaga namang magagaling.. salamat sa inyong lahat.. di ko na kau iisa-isahin. ang dami nyo eh. hehe.. basta special mention si kuya yani.. haha!
at sa HYLeaP Core Team, na kinabibilangan ko, nina, amarie, vinz, rj, herwin, rizza, dredy, at ang aming adviser na si vice elmer,.. ..congrats mga kapatid! ang galing! isangliboapatnaraanatapatnapu'tsiyam na taas para sa ating lahat!
i've never felt this good for quite some time.. i'm happy.. i'm satisfied.. this was me.. now, this is me!
eto na nga, teka..
masaya masaya!
i just realized i was lost for years.. lost in a sense na, malayo na pala ko sa mga bagay na dati kong kinaaaliwan at pinagtutuunan ng pansin. yung mga bagay na dati ay ginagawa ko di lang para sa sarili ko pero para din sa mga tao sa paligid ko. and i just realized na 5 years na pala yun..biruin mu..tsk tsk.. at narealize ko na eto talaga ang gusto ko. eto yung missing link siguro nung college ako and eto talaga ang kahulugan ng outlet or diversion para saken. sa buhay mu, di dapat nakatuon ka lang sa kung anung buhay ang gusto mu at kung anu sa buhay ang gusto mu marating. kailangan mu din ng mapapagtuunan ng pansin at panahon na magiging kapakipakinabang para sa ibang tao.. ang drama mu pre! hehe
but it's always nice to be back..
last weekend, we held the HYLC pilot run.. take note pare, pilot run yun. kami yung kauna-unahang batch ng HYLC.. teka, anu ba yung HYLC? hehe.. Hagonoy Young Leaders Congress.. eun. kung alam mu yung AYLC, alam mu na kung about san yun..
edi eto na nga haneh..
sobrang namiss ko pala yung mga bagay neun.. panu kasi, nung hiskul ako, active ako sa mga ganung klase ng activities.. about youth and leadership ba dong.. eh buti na lang, naisipan namen na magconduct ng sarili naming program para sa mga kabataan ng hagonoy..
masaya masaya!
dami ko nakasama. bale, 40 deligates kame.. syempre kasama ko dun! hehe.. masaya sila kasama. kulet eh.. peo mas masarap kasama yung mga ka-group ko. "what's the team?!".. cheer leader ang drama ko nun.. haha! (namiss ko din yun).. saya ng group namen. reg, ralph, pau, mutya, eliza, russel, joel, jordan, nikki.. eun.. sila mga ka-group ko..thanks guys!
daming activities na talagang nagenjoy ako. and madami din ako natutunan at bumalik sa aking alaala. naks! reminiscin?! haha! di ko malilimutan yung toxic waste. kahit di naten nakuha, okay lang. tsaka yung boundary break. dami ko nalaman about senyo..
congrats sa lahat ng deligates! saya ng graduation. dami umiiyak. hehe.. panu naman nakakamiss talaga.. peo okay lang yan. sabi ko naman senyo, di pa yun yung last time na makakaharap ko ang mga pagmumukha nyo. haha! may mga project pa tau para sa hagonoy. and excited na ko na makasama kau sa mga projects na yun..
gusto ko magpasalamat sa mga naging co-facilitator ng HYLeaP core-team. yung mga AYLC deligates na talaga namang magagaling.. salamat sa inyong lahat.. di ko na kau iisa-isahin. ang dami nyo eh. hehe.. basta special mention si kuya yani.. haha!
at sa HYLeaP Core Team, na kinabibilangan ko, nina, amarie, vinz, rj, herwin, rizza, dredy, at ang aming adviser na si vice elmer,.. ..congrats mga kapatid! ang galing! isangliboapatnaraanatapatnapu'tsiyam na taas para sa ating lahat!
i've never felt this good for quite some time.. i'm happy.. i'm satisfied.. this was me.. now, this is me!
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Taas ng ere..
So disappointing. After the hospitality we had shown you, yun lang ang gagawin n'yo. Were you sincere?! i don't think so. Ginawa n'yo lang yun coz you got no choice. don't do it and you'll be busted in jail.. natatakot kayo that's why you were forced to do what you got to do though deep inside, you don't like what you're doing. "OROKAN" ang tawag sa mga taong katulad nyo!
Nakakatuwa nga kayo tignan that time. parang sobra bait nyo. so tame! As if walang nangyare. Pero sa totoo lang, at first napaniwala nyo ko. haha! poor jehlee. Ang galing nyo kasi magpanggap. Well di ko naman masisi sarili ko. that's my nature. I easily trust person. Kasi totoo ako sa mga tao. Di ako PAIMBABAW tulad nyo. Mataas talaga ere nyo..
Well that's alright. What goes around comes around. Just keep doing your thing. We'll play your game.
You'll know what i'm tellin you. YOU'LL KNOW..
Nakakatuwa nga kayo tignan that time. parang sobra bait nyo. so tame! As if walang nangyare. Pero sa totoo lang, at first napaniwala nyo ko. haha! poor jehlee. Ang galing nyo kasi magpanggap. Well di ko naman masisi sarili ko. that's my nature. I easily trust person. Kasi totoo ako sa mga tao. Di ako PAIMBABAW tulad nyo. Mataas talaga ere nyo..
Well that's alright. What goes around comes around. Just keep doing your thing. We'll play your game.
You'll know what i'm tellin you. YOU'LL KNOW..
Monday, November 3, 2008
got my name on the roster!
ngaun pa lang nagsink sa utak ko ang mga nangyare last week. still can't believe i made it. it's HIS will, i know. and sa dami ng nangyare within 6months, 40% perseverance and 60% prayers brought me here.
may 12, 2008. i remember when i first had my class in PERCdc. yung review center na pinasukan ko. the first day was light. just introductions and orientations. the next day, wednesday, may 14, MWF basis, was so new. ang daming bago. naramdaman ko na agad yung pressure. why? pagkatapos pala ng 5years in college, ang dami ko pa pala kailangan malaman. and i thought, 6months before the board wouldn't be enough.
i started thinking na wag na lang ituloy kasi baka masayang lang ang pagod at gastos sa pagrereview.para saken, board exam is so different. di to katulad ng exam sa college, na pag mababa ang nakuha mu sa 1st quiz, there would be 2nd, 3rd, 4th quiz na pwedeng bumawi. i feel that, once i fail sa board, i'm a failure already. i fail them, yung mga taong umaasa at nageexpect na papasa ko, and worse, i satisfy all my critics outside at jan sa tabi tabi.
my friends kept on pushing me saying na kaya ko yun, and it's just an exam, no big deal. na wala naman akong kailangan patunayan sa mga tao dahil mas kilala ko ang sarili ko kesa sa kanila. which is true naman. but it was some sort of pride na rin siguro kung bakit ko naiisip yung mga bagay na yun. and i can't get that thinking off me.
well, i still continued. aral pa din. the 1st four months were just like wind passing me by. my times na nakakapagreview ako and my times din naman na nakahiga at natutulog lang the whole day. haha! but once na nahawakan ko naman yung review materials, seryoso talaga and i assure myself na naaabsorb ko lahat ng aralin ko.
after 4months, i failed all the exams sa review center. gandang motivation di ba? but since ang haba na din ng panahon na ginugol at perang nagastos sa review, tuloy pa din ako. kahit na walang kasiguruhan na papasa ko. i didn't notice na yung mga pressures and worries i had before eh unti unti pa lang nawawala. wala na ko masyadong "what if" or "paano kaya?".. and it helped me a lot to concentrate sa studies..
august25, i moved to manila. there, i was able to concentrate. kain tulog lang ang pahinga. pagkagising, libro agad. breakfast ng 10am, lunch ng 2pm, dinner ng 9pm. waaaahh! late lahat. pati tulog late na din. 1am na pinakamaaga.
then board exam na pala. october 25, 26, saturday and sunday. i wasn't expecting na papasa pa ko. ang hirap ng exam. tanungin ba kame bout nectar, bees, and flowers?! i was like, "what the?!" anu connect nun? yun na ata ang pinaka mahabang weekend ng buhay ko. and so tiring.
tapos, zero hundred hour, october 30, 2008. one of the best days of my life. one of my classmates texted me. my result na daw sa net. nanginginig ako. haha! i browsed the web page. there, i saw my name on the list. huwaw! THANK GOD! yun lang ang nasabi ko. then i went upstairs para gisingin ang mga tao at mag-ingay. haha! ang saya!
now, just wanna thank those people who helped me with this one. my family unang una. tatay, nanay, ann, jay, jane para sa support, lakas ng loob and patience. sa aking ninang ligaya, my 2nd nanay. my grandma, i call her "Ina", thank you po for being my prayer warrior. salamat po. Inang Minia and Tito Dar, for my additional allowance all throughout. ang aking apat na kapatid sa boarding hauz, Dayrit, Allem, Tricio, and Mark. salamat tol sa mga panahon na magkakasama tayo. malaki ang naitulong nun saten. at congrats din sa inyo. sa aking mga friends na laging andyan para sumuporta at magbigay ng lakas ng loob, Mildred, Mhel, Ato, Edmond, Tsam at Tracy. thanks buddies! sa mga nag gudluck saken the day before the board, Ferdz, Fatz, Janus, Romer, Ciut, salamat senyo. pinalakas nyo loob ko. kay karen na nagpahiram ng extra calcu saken, salamat tol. hehe..
Para sa atin pong lahat ito..
and to all my critics at yung mga my tinatagong poot sa aken, hehe.. it's an answered prayer po..better luck next time!.. sana magbago na kayo. peace!
At kayo! oo! kayo nga! Invited kayong lahat! sarado na ang kalsada, wala nang dadaan. tayo na at magsaya!
may 12, 2008. i remember when i first had my class in PERCdc. yung review center na pinasukan ko. the first day was light. just introductions and orientations. the next day, wednesday, may 14, MWF basis, was so new. ang daming bago. naramdaman ko na agad yung pressure. why? pagkatapos pala ng 5years in college, ang dami ko pa pala kailangan malaman. and i thought, 6months before the board wouldn't be enough.
i started thinking na wag na lang ituloy kasi baka masayang lang ang pagod at gastos sa pagrereview.para saken, board exam is so different. di to katulad ng exam sa college, na pag mababa ang nakuha mu sa 1st quiz, there would be 2nd, 3rd, 4th quiz na pwedeng bumawi. i feel that, once i fail sa board, i'm a failure already. i fail them, yung mga taong umaasa at nageexpect na papasa ko, and worse, i satisfy all my critics outside at jan sa tabi tabi.
my friends kept on pushing me saying na kaya ko yun, and it's just an exam, no big deal. na wala naman akong kailangan patunayan sa mga tao dahil mas kilala ko ang sarili ko kesa sa kanila. which is true naman. but it was some sort of pride na rin siguro kung bakit ko naiisip yung mga bagay na yun. and i can't get that thinking off me.
well, i still continued. aral pa din. the 1st four months were just like wind passing me by. my times na nakakapagreview ako and my times din naman na nakahiga at natutulog lang the whole day. haha! but once na nahawakan ko naman yung review materials, seryoso talaga and i assure myself na naaabsorb ko lahat ng aralin ko.
after 4months, i failed all the exams sa review center. gandang motivation di ba? but since ang haba na din ng panahon na ginugol at perang nagastos sa review, tuloy pa din ako. kahit na walang kasiguruhan na papasa ko. i didn't notice na yung mga pressures and worries i had before eh unti unti pa lang nawawala. wala na ko masyadong "what if" or "paano kaya?".. and it helped me a lot to concentrate sa studies..
august25, i moved to manila. there, i was able to concentrate. kain tulog lang ang pahinga. pagkagising, libro agad. breakfast ng 10am, lunch ng 2pm, dinner ng 9pm. waaaahh! late lahat. pati tulog late na din. 1am na pinakamaaga.
then board exam na pala. october 25, 26, saturday and sunday. i wasn't expecting na papasa pa ko. ang hirap ng exam. tanungin ba kame bout nectar, bees, and flowers?! i was like, "what the?!" anu connect nun? yun na ata ang pinaka mahabang weekend ng buhay ko. and so tiring.
tapos, zero hundred hour, october 30, 2008. one of the best days of my life. one of my classmates texted me. my result na daw sa net. nanginginig ako. haha! i browsed the web page. there, i saw my name on the list. huwaw! THANK GOD! yun lang ang nasabi ko. then i went upstairs para gisingin ang mga tao at mag-ingay. haha! ang saya!
now, just wanna thank those people who helped me with this one. my family unang una. tatay, nanay, ann, jay, jane para sa support, lakas ng loob and patience. sa aking ninang ligaya, my 2nd nanay. my grandma, i call her "Ina", thank you po for being my prayer warrior. salamat po. Inang Minia and Tito Dar, for my additional allowance all throughout. ang aking apat na kapatid sa boarding hauz, Dayrit, Allem, Tricio, and Mark. salamat tol sa mga panahon na magkakasama tayo. malaki ang naitulong nun saten. at congrats din sa inyo. sa aking mga friends na laging andyan para sumuporta at magbigay ng lakas ng loob, Mildred, Mhel, Ato, Edmond, Tsam at Tracy. thanks buddies! sa mga nag gudluck saken the day before the board, Ferdz, Fatz, Janus, Romer, Ciut, salamat senyo. pinalakas nyo loob ko. kay karen na nagpahiram ng extra calcu saken, salamat tol. hehe..
Para sa atin pong lahat ito..
and to all my critics at yung mga my tinatagong poot sa aken, hehe.. it's an answered prayer po..better luck next time!.. sana magbago na kayo. peace!
At kayo! oo! kayo nga! Invited kayong lahat! sarado na ang kalsada, wala nang dadaan. tayo na at magsaya!
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
miss you buddy
i was browsing my fs and found myself answering questions posted by a friend on bulletin..
the last question there goes like.. "Who's your friend you could tell anything to?".. i paused for a while and think. suddenly, it hit me.. ..and i typed "..wala na siya eh.. si orly.."
Orlando Bulaong. that's his name.. we called him Orly.. nagkakilala kami when we were in grade 6 on a camp.. a boyscout jamboree where we served as representative of our respective schools.. then in highschool, we became friends and classmates nung 2nd yr na. mabait eh. sobra. naging magkasama sa mga kalokohan. sa projects, games, panliligaw, kalokohan, at kahit sa trouble, di kami nagiiwanan. naalala ko pa nung tym na nanalo kami sa intrams and muntik na mapaaway sa lower section. kaming dalawa lang ang magkasama. and nung inabangan siya nung isang student from i don't know where, ako kasama niya. bestfriend ko yun eh! di naman kami palaaway or basagulero. lapitin lang ng gulo. i don't know. daming inggit eh. lalo na pag nasasapawan..
..one morning, before our class sa hapon, i went to his house with some friends. nagbasketball kami then umakyat sa bubong nila to get santol at mangga. kumain nang kumain at nagkwentuhan. we had so much fun then though di ko alam kung bkit..basta masaya kami. after that, nagmamadali kaming umuwi para pumasok sa school. hapon na pala and late na kami. during the class, before we went home, my teacher in filipino had a lottery and siya yung napiling bumunot ng winner.. and he said as he picked up the name of the winner, "ang nanalo ng aking katawan...... .......ay ako! ako nga! ako ang nanalo!" ang swerte. name nya talaga nabunot nya. hehe.. not knowing na yun na pala ang pinakamahaba at pinakamasayang araw na pagsasamahan namin. that was his last day sa school.. haaaay..
..even before kami magkasama nang matagal, we parted ways na din agad. he transfered to other school for some reasons... the day na nabalitaan namen na he was gonna transfer na nga, the whole section went to his house after class and tried to convinced him na wag na ituloy. but he had no choice. he had to. so he transfered na nga..pero ganun pa man, di pa din kami nawalan ng communication. and there were times pa nga na nagpupunta kami or ako sa bahay nila to play basketball or para lang bumisita. and siya din ganun.. nagpupunta sa bahay para lang mangamusta..
lately, i noticed na parang ang tamlay nya and he opened nga na may problem siya. as much as i can, pinilit kong ma-ease yung pain na ramdam nya. then, couple of months before we had our graduation, nagpunta siya sa bahay. he brought a cd and gave it to me. the cd wasn't for me. but since binalik sa kanya yung cd nung taong talagang pinagbigyan nya, he chose na ibigay na saken. (and up to now, tinatago ko pa din yung cd) ..sobrang lungkot ng mata nya nun. wala ako magawa.. ..sobrang sisi ko na di ko alam na yun na pala ang last na pagkikita namen.
ang laking sisi ko na di ako naka-attend sa birthday nya. his last birhtday. one morning, couple of weeks before my highschool graduation, nagising ako sa isang tawag ng isang kaibigan. she told me, orly's gone.. ..di ko alam ang gagawin ko nun. akala ko nga ginugud tym lang ako ni orly. mahilig sa ganun yun eh. but the gut feel was there. i rushed to his house with my friends and malayo pa lang ako, my nakikita na akong black cloth sa may harapan nila. habang papalapit ako ng papalapit, my mind was saying na di yun totoo. i didn't have the nerve para tumuloy. then one of my friend na kanina pa andun said "buti anjan na kayo. kanina ka pa hinihintay ng nanay ni orly." pinilit ko pumasok and when i stepped inside, nakita ko yung coffin. ayoko tignan. pero gusto ko siguraduhin na hindi siya yung nasa loob nun! there i saw nanay zeny (nanay ni orly) crying. hinipo ko yung ulo ni nanay zeny at sinabi kong' "nanay andito na po kami.".. she screamed and said "orly! andito na sila. andito na sila. bumangon ka na!" di ako makaiyak nun. di pa nagsi-sink in sa utak ko na yung bestfriend ko ang nakahiga sa harapan ko..
last night before siya ilibing, his ate gave me yung picture namen back nung 2nd yr highschool saying "nakuha ko to sa wallet ni orly. ikaw na magtatago nyan." iyon yung picture na pinagtatalunan namen dati kung sino ang dapat magtago. and all flashed back. lahat ng mga nangyari. from the time we first met hanggang sa last time kaming nagkita.. lahat ng pinagsamahan namin, bumalik yun lahat. then, i realized kung gaano ako kaswerte na nagkaroon ako ng friend na tulad nya. sadly, wala na siya.. and there, i cried....
..pare, miss na kita. dami kong gustong ikwento at i-share sa yo. madami ka na din namiss eh. sana andito ka. daya mu naman. kampi tayo di ba? ..wala ka dito? panu kaya yun?..graduate na nga pala ko. engineering. kaw, dapat nauna ka na makagraduate saken eh. education course mu dba? nakita ko pa dati yung name mu sa list ng mga passers nung enrolment for college freshmen. galing mu talaga!
alam ko anjan ka lang. and di kita nakakalimutan. next birthday mu, present ulet ako. sana maramdaman ko yung presence mu. kahit paramdam lang. kahit one time lang. o kaya sa panaginip, kausapin mo ko. madami ako ibabalita sa yo.
miss you buddy..
the last question there goes like.. "Who's your friend you could tell anything to?".. i paused for a while and think. suddenly, it hit me.. ..and i typed "..wala na siya eh.. si orly.."
Orlando Bulaong. that's his name.. we called him Orly.. nagkakilala kami when we were in grade 6 on a camp.. a boyscout jamboree where we served as representative of our respective schools.. then in highschool, we became friends and classmates nung 2nd yr na. mabait eh. sobra. naging magkasama sa mga kalokohan. sa projects, games, panliligaw, kalokohan, at kahit sa trouble, di kami nagiiwanan. naalala ko pa nung tym na nanalo kami sa intrams and muntik na mapaaway sa lower section. kaming dalawa lang ang magkasama. and nung inabangan siya nung isang student from i don't know where, ako kasama niya. bestfriend ko yun eh! di naman kami palaaway or basagulero. lapitin lang ng gulo. i don't know. daming inggit eh. lalo na pag nasasapawan..
..one morning, before our class sa hapon, i went to his house with some friends. nagbasketball kami then umakyat sa bubong nila to get santol at mangga. kumain nang kumain at nagkwentuhan. we had so much fun then though di ko alam kung bkit..basta masaya kami. after that, nagmamadali kaming umuwi para pumasok sa school. hapon na pala and late na kami. during the class, before we went home, my teacher in filipino had a lottery and siya yung napiling bumunot ng winner.. and he said as he picked up the name of the winner, "ang nanalo ng aking katawan...... .......ay ako! ako nga! ako ang nanalo!" ang swerte. name nya talaga nabunot nya. hehe.. not knowing na yun na pala ang pinakamahaba at pinakamasayang araw na pagsasamahan namin. that was his last day sa school.. haaaay..
..even before kami magkasama nang matagal, we parted ways na din agad. he transfered to other school for some reasons... the day na nabalitaan namen na he was gonna transfer na nga, the whole section went to his house after class and tried to convinced him na wag na ituloy. but he had no choice. he had to. so he transfered na nga..pero ganun pa man, di pa din kami nawalan ng communication. and there were times pa nga na nagpupunta kami or ako sa bahay nila to play basketball or para lang bumisita. and siya din ganun.. nagpupunta sa bahay para lang mangamusta..
lately, i noticed na parang ang tamlay nya and he opened nga na may problem siya. as much as i can, pinilit kong ma-ease yung pain na ramdam nya. then, couple of months before we had our graduation, nagpunta siya sa bahay. he brought a cd and gave it to me. the cd wasn't for me. but since binalik sa kanya yung cd nung taong talagang pinagbigyan nya, he chose na ibigay na saken. (and up to now, tinatago ko pa din yung cd) ..sobrang lungkot ng mata nya nun. wala ako magawa.. ..sobrang sisi ko na di ko alam na yun na pala ang last na pagkikita namen.
ang laking sisi ko na di ako naka-attend sa birthday nya. his last birhtday. one morning, couple of weeks before my highschool graduation, nagising ako sa isang tawag ng isang kaibigan. she told me, orly's gone.. ..di ko alam ang gagawin ko nun. akala ko nga ginugud tym lang ako ni orly. mahilig sa ganun yun eh. but the gut feel was there. i rushed to his house with my friends and malayo pa lang ako, my nakikita na akong black cloth sa may harapan nila. habang papalapit ako ng papalapit, my mind was saying na di yun totoo. i didn't have the nerve para tumuloy. then one of my friend na kanina pa andun said "buti anjan na kayo. kanina ka pa hinihintay ng nanay ni orly." pinilit ko pumasok and when i stepped inside, nakita ko yung coffin. ayoko tignan. pero gusto ko siguraduhin na hindi siya yung nasa loob nun! there i saw nanay zeny (nanay ni orly) crying. hinipo ko yung ulo ni nanay zeny at sinabi kong' "nanay andito na po kami.".. she screamed and said "orly! andito na sila. andito na sila. bumangon ka na!" di ako makaiyak nun. di pa nagsi-sink in sa utak ko na yung bestfriend ko ang nakahiga sa harapan ko..
last night before siya ilibing, his ate gave me yung picture namen back nung 2nd yr highschool saying "nakuha ko to sa wallet ni orly. ikaw na magtatago nyan." iyon yung picture na pinagtatalunan namen dati kung sino ang dapat magtago. and all flashed back. lahat ng mga nangyari. from the time we first met hanggang sa last time kaming nagkita.. lahat ng pinagsamahan namin, bumalik yun lahat. then, i realized kung gaano ako kaswerte na nagkaroon ako ng friend na tulad nya. sadly, wala na siya.. and there, i cried....
..pare, miss na kita. dami kong gustong ikwento at i-share sa yo. madami ka na din namiss eh. sana andito ka. daya mu naman. kampi tayo di ba? ..wala ka dito? panu kaya yun?..graduate na nga pala ko. engineering. kaw, dapat nauna ka na makagraduate saken eh. education course mu dba? nakita ko pa dati yung name mu sa list ng mga passers nung enrolment for college freshmen. galing mu talaga!
alam ko anjan ka lang. and di kita nakakalimutan. next birthday mu, present ulet ako. sana maramdaman ko yung presence mu. kahit paramdam lang. kahit one time lang. o kaya sa panaginip, kausapin mo ko. madami ako ibabalita sa yo.
miss you buddy..
Sunday, June 22, 2008
What a Day!!!
signal#3, walang kuryente, my fone bat was dead, and i was stucked here sa bahay!
Yesterday, i planned with my friends to go out today. not actually gala. Binyag kasi ng anak ng classmate namen nung highschool and ninong at ninang kame. oh db.. then kaninang umaga when i woke up, was like, what the?!
Ang lakas ng ulan ah. So i decided na matulog ulet. 11am pa naman yung start ng mass. Then i woke up na ata ng 12. yeah, di na ko naka-attend. eh panu naman, ung ulan pala nung umaga eh bagyo na pala at signal#3 pa.
I got up and looked for my fone. (asa ilalim pala ng pillow).. and there, deadbat s'ya. Bumaba ako para magbreakfast/lunch at para mag charge. ayun! Walang kuryente!
just after few minutes, nagbabasa ako ng notes at nag-aaral.. (see, i study talaga..hehe) dumating si ato at juvs na nakabihis at my balak pa ata humabol sa binyag. haha! basang basa nga eh.. kwentuhan at isip isip kung tutuloy pa kame. then lunch.
after lunch, since walang kuryente, and dedbat ang fone ko, nagkwentuhan na lang kame. haha! ang tyaga. around 3pm nung naligo ako and we decided na magpunta sa bayan. haha! bumabagyo na alis pa din. inutusan kasi ko ni nanay na mag money transfer,(Which was di ko nagawa. close ang western at lbc dahil sa typhoon), and para magcharge ng fone ko sa jollibee. haha!
yeah! seryoso. may dala talaga kong charger. nagpunta kame sa jobee at umorder. then lumagay kame sa pwesto na my outlet at nagcharge. haha!
..we stayed there for almost 2hours. (nakicharge din kasi si ato) we met some friends, kwentuhan then we went home na..
..at eto na nga ang malupet..30mins after i got home, my kuryente na! waaaahhhh!!!! azar!
Yesterday, i planned with my friends to go out today. not actually gala. Binyag kasi ng anak ng classmate namen nung highschool and ninong at ninang kame. oh db.. then kaninang umaga when i woke up, was like, what the?!
Ang lakas ng ulan ah. So i decided na matulog ulet. 11am pa naman yung start ng mass. Then i woke up na ata ng 12. yeah, di na ko naka-attend. eh panu naman, ung ulan pala nung umaga eh bagyo na pala at signal#3 pa.
I got up and looked for my fone. (asa ilalim pala ng pillow).. and there, deadbat s'ya. Bumaba ako para magbreakfast/lunch at para mag charge. ayun! Walang kuryente!
just after few minutes, nagbabasa ako ng notes at nag-aaral.. (see, i study talaga..hehe) dumating si ato at juvs na nakabihis at my balak pa ata humabol sa binyag. haha! basang basa nga eh.. kwentuhan at isip isip kung tutuloy pa kame. then lunch.
after lunch, since walang kuryente, and dedbat ang fone ko, nagkwentuhan na lang kame. haha! ang tyaga. around 3pm nung naligo ako and we decided na magpunta sa bayan. haha! bumabagyo na alis pa din. inutusan kasi ko ni nanay na mag money transfer,(Which was di ko nagawa. close ang western at lbc dahil sa typhoon), and para magcharge ng fone ko sa jollibee. haha!
yeah! seryoso. may dala talaga kong charger. nagpunta kame sa jobee at umorder. then lumagay kame sa pwesto na my outlet at nagcharge. haha!
..we stayed there for almost 2hours. (nakicharge din kasi si ato) we met some friends, kwentuhan then we went home na..
..at eto na nga ang malupet..30mins after i got home, my kuryente na! waaaahhhh!!!! azar!
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
KATIWA-TIWALA BA KO?!
"KATIWA-TIWALA KA BA?!"
"KATIWA-TIWALA KA BA?!"
"KATIWA-TIWALA KA BA?!"
Tanong saken ng taong least expected ko na magtatanong saken.. like i'm just a good-for-nothing, or wala akong kwentang tao and just messing up with my fucking life!!..
"KATIWA-TIWALA KA BA?!"
"KATIWA-TIWALA KA BA?!"
"KATIWA-TIWALA KA BA?!"
Fuck! it keeps runnin through my head!
"KATIWA-TIWALA KA BA?!"
"KATIWA-TIWALA KA BA?!"
"KATIWA-TIWALA KA BA?!"
oh well.. ain't like i showed them accomplishments already. para sa kanila wala pa naman akong napapatunayan. or wala talaga akong mapapatunayan!
"KATIWA-TIWALA KA BA?!"
"KATIWA-TIWALA KA BA?!"
"KATIWA-TIWALA KA BA?!"
did i disappoint you already?! ah alam ko na.. eversince naman eh i wasn't able to live up with your expectations.
"KATIWA-TIWALA KA BA?!"
"KATIWA-TIWALA KA BA?!"
"KATIWA-TIWALA KA BA?!"
eh niloloko ko na lang pala kayo eh.. why don't you tell me exactly what i'm supposed to do. so you can breathe easily.. or talagang tamang hinala lang talaga kayo?!
"KATIWA-TIWALA KA BA?!"
"KATIWA-TIWALA KA BA?!"
"KATIWA-TIWALA KA BA?!"
the pain is just too indepth.. i can't bear this....
"KATIWA-TIWALA KA BA?!"
"KATIWA-TIWALA KA BA?!"
Tanong saken ng taong least expected ko na magtatanong saken.. like i'm just a good-for-nothing, or wala akong kwentang tao and just messing up with my fucking life!!..
"KATIWA-TIWALA KA BA?!"
"KATIWA-TIWALA KA BA?!"
"KATIWA-TIWALA KA BA?!"
Fuck! it keeps runnin through my head!
"KATIWA-TIWALA KA BA?!"
"KATIWA-TIWALA KA BA?!"
"KATIWA-TIWALA KA BA?!"
oh well.. ain't like i showed them accomplishments already. para sa kanila wala pa naman akong napapatunayan. or wala talaga akong mapapatunayan!
"KATIWA-TIWALA KA BA?!"
"KATIWA-TIWALA KA BA?!"
"KATIWA-TIWALA KA BA?!"
did i disappoint you already?! ah alam ko na.. eversince naman eh i wasn't able to live up with your expectations.
"KATIWA-TIWALA KA BA?!"
"KATIWA-TIWALA KA BA?!"
"KATIWA-TIWALA KA BA?!"
eh niloloko ko na lang pala kayo eh.. why don't you tell me exactly what i'm supposed to do. so you can breathe easily.. or talagang tamang hinala lang talaga kayo?!
"KATIWA-TIWALA KA BA?!"
"KATIWA-TIWALA KA BA?!"
"KATIWA-TIWALA KA BA?!"
the pain is just too indepth.. i can't bear this....
24/7 isn't enough
i can't find time. lotsa things to deal with plus these stuffs trying to meddle, circling around my mind like im on a high. i know what to prioritize first and let the rest go. but seems i can't pull 'em out just that.
would you please buy me a break?! your eating my time and messin' all my plans!
if only i could have 25hours a day and 8days a week... then i'll show you all what i got..
would you please buy me a break?! your eating my time and messin' all my plans!
if only i could have 25hours a day and 8days a week... then i'll show you all what i got..
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
WASTED
It’s been a while since my last post here. And sadly, it had to be this way to write a new one.
Well I guess that’s life. Things you treasured for so long would be wasted just that. I thought this would never happen. Who’s gonna be blamed for this? I dunno. Wala siguro. But am sure to myself, wala saken ang problema. And problem would start neither on my side, nor my self.
Is there still a chance to fix this mess? Unfortunately, now, it’s all out of my hands. It’s beyond my control. It’s all up to them. I know my limits though I don’t know what’s gonna happen next. I can’t promise nothing would happen, that nothing bad would happen. It’s just I have my principles here, and no one can treat me and ALL OF ME the way they did. They started it all. I’m just being myself, doing things which I think are right.
You, and you! I was so disappointed. We don’t deserve those words you threw. It isn’t our game. Mas matatanggap ko pa kung sinuntok nyo ko sa mukha.. I was tryin’ to cool myself down. I was trying to save it. I talked to you. But what did you do? Your brains are just as good as shit!! You’re attending mass regularly, right? Where’s the fuckin’ breeding?! Now I know how your parents raised you. Shame on both of you, dickheads!
...You pissed me. Nice! SALAMAT SA LAHAT NG PINAGSAMAHAN but I got to have my two middle fingers for you two… FUCK YOU, AND FUCK YOU!! Kulang pa yan sa mga sinabi nyo, at ginawa nyo!! So much for you idiots. Go to hell! Now we’re all even.
Sayang mga pare. Sayang… Sabi nila di ko kayo dapat panghinayangan. Naging totoo ako sa inyo.
Well I guess that’s life. Things you treasured for so long would be wasted just that. I thought this would never happen… that your life long friends would turn out to be your worst enemies…
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